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"My friends, we've seen this movie before," McCain said. "It was called 'HillaryCare' back in 1993, and we're not going to do it again. We're not going to have the government take over the health care system in America."
I have to say I'm a little lost here. I don't remember that movie.
Was that the one in black and white where the Germans killed all the
Jews? Yeah that's not much of a health care plan. Oh, that was Schindler's List?
Well, was it the one about the dinosaur park? No? Oh, I got it! The
one where Tom Hanks falls for long distance Meg Ryan! But I thought
that was called Sleepless in Seattle?
I'm sorry, I just don't remember that Hillarycare movie
from '93, but it was a tough time for me. We lost our medical coverage
and I spent most of the year waiting in line at the free clinic for
insulin.
We've got three new exclusive Between the Breaks clips to give you a glimpse into what goes on during the commercials on Mind of Mencia. First up, Carlos tells the audience what he'd do if he had a million dollars.
After the jump, Carlos talks about complaints from Jewish viewers and the joys of pyromania.
She's been an SNL cast-member, Daily Show correspondent and recurring Office guest-star, not to mention Steve Carell's missus. Is there anyone better than Nancy Walls? She makes you look really sucky in comparison, that's for sure. Why don't you go back and finish your degree? You're only like half a semester away. It's like you're doing this just to hurt me! Anyway, Nancy Walls turns 42 tomorrow. To celebrate, here's a classic Daily Show segment about elephant masturbating.
The Gong Show with Dave Attell premiered last night, and if you were expecting Not Chaos and Not Going There, you would have been sorely disappointed. Because it was insane. In this clip, everyone's favorite crazy man, Andy Dick and JB Smoove challenge some lil' folks to a wrestling match. And lose. Way to let us all down guys.
See all the clips and exclusives from the premiere right here at The Gong Show site.
You know the drill by now--I take a film which the nation's critics have deemed a steaming pile of cinematic sewage, such as The Love Guru or Hancock or Deuce Bigalow vs. Predator, and using my deft quote-dicing skills, make it sound like Citizen Kane In 3-D.
But occasionally I like to mix things up, which is why today I was planning on doing the exact opposite--taking a film which has been universally hailed as a work of genius, and turning it into Ishtar the Duck. I would do this mainly as a favor to all the other poor suckers whose movies have the misfortune to be opening this weekend--so producers of Space Chimps and Mamma Mia!, you can send the fruit baskets to my home office. (Coincidentally, it's the same address as my dad's garage.)
The premise was simple: I'd grab some choice clumps of praise, snip-snip here and there with hilarious results, unveil the masterpiece of "Turding the Polish: The Dark Knight," and be home kicking back with a Tecate faster than you could say "Mario Kart."
... at least, that was the plan. Unfortunately, I soon discovered that Turding this particular Polish* wouldn't be so easy. Just take a look at some of the gushfests I had to work with:
An explosively provocative [film]. ... Exhilaratingly straightforward
action sequences matched by moral complexity of a sort not usually
associated with comic-book movie franchises.
Right about there was where I started to question this whole endeavor. However, I didn't spend my career becoming the world's greatest quote-whisperer just to accept defeat at the hands of a bunch of fawning critics angling for DVD-box immortality. Not without a fight! So, from Scott Foundas of The Village Voice:
The Dark Knight [sounds] like heavy stuff -- and it is. But I
should add that [Christopher] Nolan also delivers the kick-ass goods, from an opening
bank heist a la Michael Mann to a climactic episode of vehicular mayhem
a la William Friedkin.
It may not be much, but baby, it's all I need.
*No Polish people were turded during the writing of this post.
Republican Presidential nominee John McCain took a shot at rival Barack Obama's health care plan in a Missouri town hall meeting yesterday...
You know the drill by now--I take a film which the nation's critics have deemed a steaming pile of cinematic sewage, such as 